12 Weeks

 Holy crap, I'm just about at 2nd trimester!

Monday was my first day at my new job, so I decided to go all out and do a bump reveal that day too.  This was also the first day I think I've looked cute in months, so yay!

No one said anything, but it was still so nice to feel "out" and I was happy to wear normal clothes and not worry about people looking at me.

No one said anything all week at work until Friday when I hung my "Baby on Board" sign on my new cube.  My guess is that people think something's up, but they aren't going to say anything until they see the sign.

As for clothes, I'm at that awkward stage that nothing fits.  My normal clothes are all getting too small and shirts are getting too short.  I was really hoping my maternity stuff would fit, but some of the pants are still too big.  I'm hoping maybe I can get into them in another week or so.

 One of my new ideas during the last couple weeks was cucumber water!  I was inspired by the water at the salon when I got my facial and it's a good way to stay hydrated.  People at work probably thought I was nuts for having some weird green stuff in my cup, but it's yummy.

I'm very into strawberries right now.  There were days when I ate a whole container in just one morning!  I started buying the jumbo box and now it takes forever to cut them all.

 

 I'm also strangely into soup.  How did that happen? I'm SO not a soup person.  But a little taste of the hubby's soup last week inspired me to start eating it.  So good!

We even made our own chicken tortilla soup on Saturday!  Amazing!

So...on to 2nd trimester now! My Facebook pregnancy reveal is just about complete and the world will found out the big news!

11 weeks

Another week done!

I'm definitely doing better this week than I was last week.  My new med schedule is helping a lot, and hopefully, I'm getting closer to being done with feeling sick too.  I still threw up in the morning for the last couple of days, but I was fine the rest of the day.

My bump is starting to show now and I decided that this is my last week of hiding at work.  I'm out of clothes and 12 weeks seems perfect to share the news.  I also start my new job on Monday, so it will be a whole lot of change in a short time!

I went to the doctor on Wednesday and everything is looking good.  The doctor did a quick ultrasound and showed me the heartbeat and some body parts.  I also had my annual pap smear (ick), but at least that's done for awhile now.  She told me to schedule the genetic testing for December, so that's on the calendar in a couple weeks.

In food news, I'm still pretty consistent with where I was before.  I eat Corn Flakes for breakfast, fruit and salads for snacks in the morning, pasta for lunch, and random stuff for dinner.  I've been wanting soup this week which is SO weird.  I hate soup!  But it was so good!  I made matzah ball again and we also had Panera broccoli & cheese.  Mmmm...

9 Weeks

I hate to complain, but I have to.

I'm so sick of being sick.  I'm sick of throwing up numerous times every day and not feeling like I can even get through a day. I feel like I've tried every solution...Unisom vs. no Unisom, eating breakfast vs. not eating breakfast, eating a bunch of different types of foods, resting every few minutes while trying to get ready, etc and nothing makes it better.  I hate feeling like crap every day and I hate that I don't get to enjoy my time with Connor because I'm constantly sick or too tired. 

There are only a few foods that I've been eating on a regular basis right now and they are cheesy spaghetti, apple slices, and salads.  I went through a little Taco Bell and pizza phase, but that sounds disgusting right now.  I could really go for a Panera mediterranean egg white sandwich, a basil, tomato & mozzerella sandwich, or a Greek salad with lots of feta and olives right now.  YUM!  I'm still mostly anti-sweets and I know that's messed up because I usually love them.

Clothes are getting super tight.  I think I'm going to give it one more week in regular jeans and then start switching to maternity pants.  My shirts are getting shorter and I'm running out of scarves to cover up my bump.  Again, I'm giving it one more work week before I let it all out and give up hiding it.

I decided to accept the job offer for the new job at work and I'm very nervous about it.  I told them I was pregnant already so that's one big step that's over with.  Now I'm just scared about living up to high expectations while not feeling good.  It's going to take a long time for me to learn everything with the new job and I'm worried I won't be able to do it.

Every week that goes by, I just need to be thankful I've gotten this far and hope I will feel better soon.

7 Weeks

Another week down!


They may not think I have a hangover, but they definitely all think I'm sick or have a cold.  I'm constantly coughing and making this deep cough noise and people keep stopping by at work to comment on how I'm "sick."  One person even thought I had croup!

I threw up twice at work this week, but I think I'm able to handle it a little better now than last week.  This has been my happy food for the last week - apple slices, Combos and seltzer.  I have no idea where I got the Combo interest from since I've only had them once before in my life, but they're SO good!  I've gone through a few bags of apples and a bag of Combos and Bugles, so I need to stock up for next week.

The other huge thing going on right now is that I'm thinking about making a job change.  I have the opportunity to take a new job in product development, but it has to be RIGHT NOW.  I'm so, so scared.  I'm scared about making this move because it's so easy to just do what I have to do and get through the day.  I'm scared because I can hardly get through the day and I would have to impress and work extra hard at a new job when I feel the worst.  I'm scared because I don't know if this is right move for me!  If I decide to go forward with this, I also need to tell them about being pregnant in the next few weeks before everything is final.  I don't think they'll mind, but I do want to be honest and not surprise them in a few weeks with this news.

I feel like this decision is huge and I'm psycho for trying to do this right now!  But in the long run, maybe this is the right thing for me.  This is way too much thinking for someone who just wants to sleep all day...

Coming up: VERY excited for my first appointment on Tuesday! 

Rubber Band Trick

It's back!  

7 weeks and I'm already rocking the rubber band today.

Pregnancy Brain

Examples of the Pregnancy Brain in full swing...

1. I called Hubby on the way to Kohls to ask him if he wanted me to buy him a new pillow.  He said yes.  I went into Target, bought a couple things, went next door to Kohls, bought a couple things, and then left.  As I walked out of the store...CRAP.  The pillow!

2. I needed to find out some information about my 401k at work.  I found the website and then absolutely could not remember where I wrote down my user name and password.  I honestly had NO clue.  I broke it by trying to log in too many times. :(

3. I was emptying the clothes from the washing machine and putting them in the dryer.  The only problem was that I put them back in the basket with the dirty clothes instead.

4. I had a handful of things at the thrift store that I was going to buy.  I looked through everything one last time and then got in line to pay.  The next day, I was thinking about what I bought and realized that two things never made it home.  I have no idea if I paid for the two items or where they went!

Many more to come!

6 Weeks

Successfully made it through another week!  Just based on my symptoms and feeling like absolute CRAP, things are going in the right direction!

I told my boss and one friend at work because it's been so hard to hide it.  I keep letting things slip that I shouldn't and I don't even realize it.  It's also pretty obvious to anyone who knows me very well that when you see this on my desk, there's something going on.  My normal coffee & yogurt has been replaced by Club crackers (buttery goodness) and seltzer water.  I've also been spending a lot of time in the bathroom resting so I don't feel so horrible all day.

I loved this Wee Mail that I got during the week.  It was really hard not to crave beer all the time at first.  But now that I feel sick all the time, I don't even want it.

The bloating is happening a lot faster than I thought.  I actually second-guessed my due date based on how "big" my stomach was on Thursday.  I really don't want to touch a belly band until after I've been to the doctor, but I still have more than a week to go.  Also, I need to find me some comfy LONG maternity yoga pants because that sounds really nice right now.

So besides the fact that I feel like crap and am really tired, everything is going well!

My new normal

I'm having a hard time adjusting to my new normal.  My new normal consists of feeling like crap every minute of the day.  It's funny how you forget this part of pregnancy because I really don't remember feeling this shitty every single day.  Of course, now, I have a toddler to take care of and I can't go home and rest every night when I get home from work.  I also haven't told anyone at work or my family yet, so I can explain why I feel so horrible all the time.  

I think I'm about ready to tell people because I don't like to lie and I keep catching myself in awkward situations.  It would be a lot easier to understand why I look gross and eat tons of club crackers if they knew the truth.

I just spent 20 minutes laying down in the bathroom at work and it was amazing!  If only the wifi on my phone worked better in there...and if only I would stop thinking about all the stains on the cushion that I was laying on...EW.  I'd really like to go to the gym, but I don't think I can make myself do it.  It sounds like torture right now, but in the back of my mind, I keep telling myself how I need to go.  I'll feel better if I go and I can't get too lazy so quickly.  Does walking up the 2 flights of stairs to the 3rd floor at work count if it makes me out of breath?

I'm already down 2 pairs of pants from this morning's enjoyable experience in the mirror.  I feel like it's way to early to do the rubber band trick or use a band b/c I haven't even gone to the doctor yet.  It's like I would be jinxing it or something.  2 weeks from today I get to finally go to the doctor!  

And we try again...

So we had a little shocked over the weekend...

It's been almost two months since my miscarriage, so I really didn't expect this so soon.  It was in the back of my mind for the last week or so when I would get a few minutes of nausea and then it would go away.  On Sunday, I felt sick and ran upstairs.  By the time I got to the bathroom, it was too late, but I had to sit down for a few minutes to feel better.  After that, I knew it was time to take the test.

I took it during chaos in the bathroom as Connor ran around asking me to put cds in his Elmo cd player and Daddy was running around the house.  Connor was super crabby, so Daddy tried to calm him down by sitting him on the floor and asking him if he had fun with cousin Grady.  I said I needed to ask him a question next, so I said, "Connor, do you want a baby brother or sister?"

This is was his face as he turned around...and then he burst into tears!

I know he didn't understand and he was still feeling very sad about watching cousin Grady leave that morning.  So anyway, here we go again...

I'm very nervous about this and I'm constantly worrying if this will end sadly again.  I'm trying not to let it mess with me too much, but it's hard to get those thoughts out of your mind when you've already lost 2.  I also have those worries like,  "WTF are we getting in to!?!" Connor has been a little extra crabby recently with his teething, so it hasn't been the best timing to think about taking care of another kid.  I know we'll make it work and I really hope this is finally it.

Ummm, what?

Saturday was quite a big day for our little family.  Here's how it all went down...

I was supposed to get AF this week and I had predicted it for Wednesday based on previous cycles.  I was ready to go and kept expecting it all day on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  By Friday night, I started to over-analyze and wonder what was going on.  I kept re-checking my calendar from the previous months and counting how many days each cycle was to figure out why it was so late.  But of course, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe there was another reason I hadn't gotten it yet.

Friday after work, I ran home and nervously took a dollar store pregnancy test.  It was negative and I got a little upset, but I figured AF would show overnight.  On Saturday morning, I woke up early and laid in bed thinking.  Those stupid dollar store tests are crappy and I remembered that I got false negative both times I used them in the past.  The thoughts cycled in my mind all morning.  After lunch, Connor took a nap and I had some privacy to take a real pregnancy test I found in the back of the closet.  I slowly watched it as the first line appeared and then the second one came in very, very lightly.  Holy crap.  But is it really a line?  I looked through the instructions and it said it didn't matter how dark the line was.  But the more I stared at the line, the more I felt like it was slowly disappearing and I wasn't sure if it was even really a line. 

I thought about it for another hour or so while I did some cleaning.  I told the husband was going to Target for some soap, but I ended up picking up a digital test while I was there.  Then I would really know for sure!  I got home and did my thing...those 3 minutes were so, so long! I was walking in circles in the bathroom while I watched that little hourglass image blink.  Finally, a word popped up.

OMG.

I started freaking out.

Scared, excited, confused...so many emotions all at once!

When Connor woke up from his nap, I took him out shopping for a bit and I kinda kept my eye out for a Big Brother shirt.  I feel like I see them all the time, but of course, when you need one, you can't find one anywhere.  Also, I slowly found out that most only come in bigger sizes starting at 3T.  Anyway, we got home and I told Connor to go give Daddy a little gift we got him.  I wrapped up the positive test and put it in a gift bag for Connor to give to him.  They both sat down on the couch and he slowly opened the bag.  His first words were, "Are you serious?" and Connor grabbed the test thinking it was a pen.

He was in shock!  We asked Connor if he wanted a brother or a sister and he repeated both.  Nope, you only get one!

So anyway, now that this has set in a little, I'm freaked out.  I'm scared too.  

How did we get lucky enough to have this happen naturally after everything we went through in the past?  Connor was such a good baby and we were really blessed, but what if this baby is the opposite?  How will we get through it?  How will we pay for 2 kids in daycare?  How will we get everything done in time?  Oh my gosh, I need to start reorganizing the entire house to make enough room.  How will Connor deal with this? 

My mind is racing with questions and worries right now.  I want to get to the doctor to make sure everything is ok, so I'm hoping I can get in soon.  I also don't have any symptoms besides no appetite and peeing a little more often, so I want to confirm it.  So crazy! 

12 Week Update

Baby's the size of a plum
This is a very exciting week for baby. The vocal cords form during this 12th week, and the nails on all 20 fingers and toes form and become visible. The intestines are still growing, however they now have room to move into the abdomen area. More features in the face come into focus, such as the eyebrows and lips, and the umbilical cord helps to circulate blood as the placenta functions effectively. The brain continues to develop as it makes hormones of its own and the nerve cells multiply rapidly. Muscles start responding to the brain, which wants to, but can’t control everything just yet. As the brain and muscles develop together, natural movements such as bending of the arms, clenching and opening the fists, and twisting of the wrists and elbows becomes easier and more frequent.

Yes, I said 12! Can you believe it? : )

Some great things are happening this week and I need to share:
1. Not even one new pimple this week!

2. My third order of jeans was a success! I have at least one pair that fits now. I did a little dance in them when I tried them on.

3. Morning sickness is slowly getting better.

4. Daily migraines are now getting to be more rare.

Everything has been going great and looking forward to second trimester!

11 week update

Baby's the size of a lime!
Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future.

This week we had our 11 week check-up with the doctor. As usual, I got more and more freaked out as the day approached. Luckily, everything went perfectly and the baby looks great! During the ultrasound, at first, the baby was all curled up in a ball (takes after Kitty). After hearing the heartbeat and printing out some pictures, the doctor noticed that the baby was wiggling and waving a hand! It was amazing to see! So happy : )
Could it be? Is my morning sickness starting to get better? I'm probably jinxing it! Friday was the first day I noticed that it wasn't as bad. I was all ready with my crackers and water and never needed them! Saturday and Sunday I was still sick, but not nearly as bad as it used to be!

Foods have not been fun this week. I'd been eating a yogurt every single day for about 2 months. On Monday, I was in the middle of eating one when I decided it looked absolutely disgusting and now I can't go near them. I don't have a taste for much of anything except carbs, but I did eat my protein-filled tofu and muffins as promised. Saturday I was dying for lox & bagels so we had to go out and get some for dinner. Mmmm...

Everything is going great this week and the countdown to second trimester has begun!

The first breakdown

Not good. I'm having a hard time sleeping with Hubby sleeping in the family room with Kitty. I kept having dreams that I was going to sleep through my alarm so I was waking up all night. In the morning, I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. But as soon as it came time to get dressed, my emotions went crazy. After my 4 outfit ideas looked horrible, I started stressing and getting upset. Everything either makes me look ridiculous or is so tight that I can't breath. The more I tried on, the more frustrated I got. The pile in the closet kept getting bigger and bigger as I threw more clothes onto it. Holding back the tears, I finally gave in and wore my first maternity sweater. I can breathe now.

Note to self: find old bras from college in pile of boxes. I need those back now.

10 Week Update

Baby's now the size of a prune!

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)

I can't even believe I'm in double-digits now. Sometimes I have to re-count and make sure it's really 10! Not as much going on this week because it's the first one without any appointments, but there's always a few things to update.

The first belly picture! (Can I look a little more pale?) My belly is smaller in the morning and much bigger at night. I figured I'd take the picture in the afternoon so it's average size. It's a little beer belly-looking, but it's there!
On the clothes topic, I was very excited to get my Old Navy & Target orders shipped to me this week. I was picturing finally being able to breathe in my nice, new, cute jeans. FAIL. I ordered 6 pairs and none of them fit! They were either way too short or way too big. My trip to Gap was much better and I think they'll be a better fit for me. I bought one pair of cute gray skinny jeans that will be capris and I'll buy a few more when the jeans go on sale.

I hate complaining about clothes, but it's important to me. If I feel good with what I'm wearing I'm in a better mood. I'm really trying to be more positive and keep myself from stressing, so anything I can do to make myself happy is great. And if women have to live with crappy clothes for 7 or so months, why not just make them a little happier by producing clothes that actually fit?

Morning sickness is still a huge part of my life. I'm dealing with it and working through it. I really need to try to start eating better rather than snacking on random food that looks good. This weekend I went to buy some high protein snacks so I can at least get some nutritional value out of them. Who knew they sold protein muffins? And chocolate banana? I like this kind of protein!

On a good note, everything else is pretty perfect! I'm not having any weird side effects or problems. I feel like we're getting SO close to feeling confident and believing that this is really happening.

Reminding myself...

Note to self:

Every day that you feel like total crap is one day closer to a miracle.

9 Week Update

Baby's now the size of an olive!
Baby is starting to look more and more human. The essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. The eyes are fully formed, but the eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. Baby has tiny earlobes, and the mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, baby is poised for rapid weight gain.

Another exciting week for us! We had our first appointment with our new OBGYN and that started to make this whole thing feel like it's really happening. I had my first "real" ultrasound like in the movies (ya know, gel on the stomach) which was exciting. I've only had internal ones done at the fertility clinic, so this was new to me and I got to keep my clothes on and stay warm! We heard the heartbeat for the first time. Amazing!


We met with the doctor and went over the packet of information they gave me and questions I had. It was really great to sit down with someone and have them explain things more clearly than just Googling all my burning questions. She said I'm welcome to come back as often (!!) as I want for ultrasounds to make sure everything looks good since we've been spoiled by weekly (or even more often) exams in the past. She also gave me some meds to help with my nausea which were welcomed with a big smile from me. Give me the drugs!

On another note, FOOD. I actually didn't think I would ever be into food cravings. I'm not sure why...I guess I thought it was kinda like PMS and I never got that. Well, the food cravings have been on my mind for a few weeks now and I don't see them going away any time soon. I try to have a variety of snacks and food at all times so I can find something that sounds good. This week's big snack is Club crackers. Why haven't I indulged on these in the past? Light, buttery, and yummy! I'm hoping for deep dish pizza and a Walker Bros apple pancake this weekend!

Sick as a dog

and I don't know why people say that because dogs never feel like this...do they? And that makes me wonder if animals get morning sickness...hmmm...

From about 8 am to 1 pm every day, I feel like total crap. This morning, it started even earlier than normal and I was not prepared! I'm going to have to keep adding to my food stash at work because my snacks don't always look good and I need alternatives. If I keep food in my stomach, the nausea isn't too bad. I have to bring little baggies of crackers to meetings and hide them in my lap!

The ginger remedy that I was so excited about now grosses me out. I spent so much time making ginger ale and ginger bread and then was so grossed out by it that I had to throw it away! The thought of the 12 pack of ginger ale under my desk makes me want to vomit.

And now my new problem that I thought would stay away - the migraine. I went for about 7 weeks with nothing and I thought I was going to be one of the lucky ones that didn't get any! I was wrong. It's popping back up every day or two and getting really hard for me. Because I can't take my normal meds, I'm stuck taking Tylenol which is like candy. It doesn't do a thing! And since it's only Tylenol, it doesn't help with any of the migraine side effects like nausea, bright lights, loud sounds, etc. Torture! What am I supposed to do at work? This is not an easy thing to deal with.

Please, please go away as I get farther along. I'm SO blessed to get this far and I really want to enjoy every second of it that I'm not in pain! I know it will be worth it in the end.

8 Week Update

Baby's now the size of a raspberry!
Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

This is a big week for our little raspberry. We made it over the big 8 week hurdle! Last time, it was the 8 week ultrasound that ended it all, so I'm overjoyed that we got past that point!


Our meeting with the doctor went great and he assured us that it's very rare that anything would happen now. At the ultrasound, the tech spent extra time showing us close-ups of the raspberry. We got to see the blood flowing in the umbilical cord which was really amazing! She tried to get baby to wiggle, but she must have been sleeping like her mommy enjoys. (I say "she" because that's our prediction and I don't know what else to call it.) I teared up a little as we said our goodbyes to the fertility clinic staff on our momentous "graduation day." The staff gave me hugs and made me promise to come back when I have a big bump and then again with the baby to see another success story.

I feel like I can breathe a sigh or relief as we passed this big step. Things are looking great and I'm feeling positive!

I never thought it would be like this

Seriously, how do people do this?

I always heard about being tired, but I never, ever though it would be this bad. I promised myself that after all I went through I wouldn't complain, but this is REALLY hard! I have so much more respect for anyone who has been through this (and multiple times is crazy!) Every day is a struggle when I feel like total crap and I'm so tired. I can't get anything accomplished because I don't have the energy to do it. At first, I let myself enjoy it and just relaxed, but now I feel kind of like a failure that I can't get things done. Maybe I'm worse than most people or maybe I'm just a wimp, but this is really crappy! Does someone wanna do my work for me?

7 Week Update

Baby's now the size of a blueberry!
Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about one hundred new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

I'm starting to get super excited now that the first hurdle is over. Of course, I'm going to get worried all the time, but at least I know there's a little Baby T in there growing : )
Overall, things have been a lot better than last week. I'm learning how to fall back asleep when I wake up in the middle of the night, but I still need to figure out how to go pee and then go back to sleep without tossing and turning for awhile.

My food aversions are still here, but much less than last week. I'm more open to eating normally, although I'm still eating some strange things. I bought a bag of Ruffles chips and ate those for dessert for a few nights. I don't even like chips! I'm also really into mac & cheese so we made a pan of it over the weekend and I bought some frozen ones for lunch. I gotta start trying to eat healthy now that I'm starting to eat normally again.

Clothes? Yikes! I'm officially retiring my last pair of size 0 pants this week. Most of the 2's are too small as well. Every morning I have to try on at least 5 shirts before I find one that doesn't make me look like I have a huge belly or is so tight it suffocates me. I'm slowly emptying my closet as the days go by.

My family is getting super excited and that makes me so happy. I'm feeling great to be able to bring them happiness and excitement when there is sadness among us for other reasons. It's also amazing for ME to feel happy. I almost wonder if this is a dream! I can't remember being happy in a long, long time.

Bring on week 8!