I guess this is goodbye...

This week, I retired my pump.  

I won't be spending time each day with this view anymore.  It was actually pretty hard and bittersweet for me to do it, but it was time.  That first day was really difficult, but it helped that I was busy at work.  I ask my mommy friends to tell me that it was okay and I had to remind myself that I gave her over 12 months of pumped milk.  Her frozen stash is getting smaller each day and she's been doing great with cow's milk and water at daycare.  Of course, when I'm around she won't drink any of it, so that made me extra nervous.  It feels pretty nice not to have to lug that big bag around with me, but I also feel kinda naked without it! 

I've been nursing in the morning and night, so she still loves that and I don't see it stopping any time soon.  She's still a mommy's girl! 

Halloween at Work

We had our annual Boo Fest on Wednesday at work.  Every year, it's expected that I will bring my little one, so this year was Caylee's first Fest.  I spent a lot of time preparing our coordinating costumes (garden gnome, bumblebee and ladybug), but it didn't really work out as planned.  Connor was not very happy that day :( so he refused to wear his bumblebee costume that I brought for him.

Everyone fought over Caylee though!  She was passed around to many of my coworkers during the visit in her cute little ladybug costume.

After the costume contest, we did Trunk or Treat in the parking lot.

When Connor said he had enough candy, we went to my desk so I could show him where I work.

Caylee got to try out my desk chair :)

Caylee's First Day of Daycare

Tuesday was a pretty hard morning for me with my first day back at work and Caylee's first day of daycare.  I cried my eyes out all day on Monday, so I think I was pretty overwhelmed and numb by Tuesday.  Surprisingly, we got out of the house on time (after changing Caylee's outfit three times) and got to daycare right when it opened.  She fell asleep in the car since she isn't used to being out that early and Connor was happy to show her the baby room at school!

She slept for awhile in her carseat while we picked out her crib and got her bottles ready.

When she woke up, I took her out and put her on the little "snake" pillow with her friend to play.

When I saw that smile, I burst into tears! Miss Raheela, the main infant teacher, gave me a hug and told me she'd be in good hands.  I totally trust the teachers and I know she's going to love it there.  I just didn't want to change how our lives have been for the past 3 months.  I didn't want to miss her little smiles and she's my last little baby.

I gave her a kiss and ran out before I could cry again.  Fortunately, I was so busy at work that I didn't have too much time to be sad.  She was so tired that she slept almost that entire evening once she got home too.  She did wonderful on her first day! 

I'm an emotional mess today

I go back to work tomorrow.

I'm going to miss spending every waking minute with this little face.


It didn't really hit me until today as I sit here in the dark with her sleeping next to me.

This week, I tried to make it a little extra special by taking more photos...

And capturing every little detail...

But it still just doesn't seem like enough to make me feel good about going back...

Yeah, I miss seeing my coworkers and hearing the gossip, but I'm gonna miss the snuggles and this face more.

I know I have to do it...it's just so, so hard to get through the days leading up to it.  Once I'm back, it will be routine and I won't know any different.  I have to remind myself that I never look back and wish I would have done it differently with Connor.  I'm giving them the life I want them to have by working.  They're going to grow up and understand that we decided this to give them the best childhood and best education. 

As I'm typing this, I'm crying.  She's growing up so fast.  She was a newborn just yesterday and now she just looks so big sitting next to me.  She's just about ready to find her right hand, she loves to sit up and look around, and she looks more like a baby than a scrunched up newborn.  It's everything I ever wanted, but it just happens so fast.  I love her more than anything and I feel like my family is complete.

She's about ready to breastfeed and I'm running out of tears, so I'm going to stop now.  Love you, Miss Caylee, my baby girl.

12 Weeks

 Holy crap, I'm just about at 2nd trimester!

Monday was my first day at my new job, so I decided to go all out and do a bump reveal that day too.  This was also the first day I think I've looked cute in months, so yay!

No one said anything, but it was still so nice to feel "out" and I was happy to wear normal clothes and not worry about people looking at me.

No one said anything all week at work until Friday when I hung my "Baby on Board" sign on my new cube.  My guess is that people think something's up, but they aren't going to say anything until they see the sign.

As for clothes, I'm at that awkward stage that nothing fits.  My normal clothes are all getting too small and shirts are getting too short.  I was really hoping my maternity stuff would fit, but some of the pants are still too big.  I'm hoping maybe I can get into them in another week or so.

 One of my new ideas during the last couple weeks was cucumber water!  I was inspired by the water at the salon when I got my facial and it's a good way to stay hydrated.  People at work probably thought I was nuts for having some weird green stuff in my cup, but it's yummy.

I'm very into strawberries right now.  There were days when I ate a whole container in just one morning!  I started buying the jumbo box and now it takes forever to cut them all.

 

 I'm also strangely into soup.  How did that happen? I'm SO not a soup person.  But a little taste of the hubby's soup last week inspired me to start eating it.  So good!

We even made our own chicken tortilla soup on Saturday!  Amazing!

So...on to 2nd trimester now! My Facebook pregnancy reveal is just about complete and the world will found out the big news!

11 weeks

Another week done!

I'm definitely doing better this week than I was last week.  My new med schedule is helping a lot, and hopefully, I'm getting closer to being done with feeling sick too.  I still threw up in the morning for the last couple of days, but I was fine the rest of the day.

My bump is starting to show now and I decided that this is my last week of hiding at work.  I'm out of clothes and 12 weeks seems perfect to share the news.  I also start my new job on Monday, so it will be a whole lot of change in a short time!

I went to the doctor on Wednesday and everything is looking good.  The doctor did a quick ultrasound and showed me the heartbeat and some body parts.  I also had my annual pap smear (ick), but at least that's done for awhile now.  She told me to schedule the genetic testing for December, so that's on the calendar in a couple weeks.

In food news, I'm still pretty consistent with where I was before.  I eat Corn Flakes for breakfast, fruit and salads for snacks in the morning, pasta for lunch, and random stuff for dinner.  I've been wanting soup this week which is SO weird.  I hate soup!  But it was so good!  I made matzah ball again and we also had Panera broccoli & cheese.  Mmmm...

9 Weeks

I hate to complain, but I have to.

I'm so sick of being sick.  I'm sick of throwing up numerous times every day and not feeling like I can even get through a day. I feel like I've tried every solution...Unisom vs. no Unisom, eating breakfast vs. not eating breakfast, eating a bunch of different types of foods, resting every few minutes while trying to get ready, etc and nothing makes it better.  I hate feeling like crap every day and I hate that I don't get to enjoy my time with Connor because I'm constantly sick or too tired. 

There are only a few foods that I've been eating on a regular basis right now and they are cheesy spaghetti, apple slices, and salads.  I went through a little Taco Bell and pizza phase, but that sounds disgusting right now.  I could really go for a Panera mediterranean egg white sandwich, a basil, tomato & mozzerella sandwich, or a Greek salad with lots of feta and olives right now.  YUM!  I'm still mostly anti-sweets and I know that's messed up because I usually love them.

Clothes are getting super tight.  I think I'm going to give it one more week in regular jeans and then start switching to maternity pants.  My shirts are getting shorter and I'm running out of scarves to cover up my bump.  Again, I'm giving it one more work week before I let it all out and give up hiding it.

I decided to accept the job offer for the new job at work and I'm very nervous about it.  I told them I was pregnant already so that's one big step that's over with.  Now I'm just scared about living up to high expectations while not feeling good.  It's going to take a long time for me to learn everything with the new job and I'm worried I won't be able to do it.

Every week that goes by, I just need to be thankful I've gotten this far and hope I will feel better soon.

7 Weeks

Another week down!


They may not think I have a hangover, but they definitely all think I'm sick or have a cold.  I'm constantly coughing and making this deep cough noise and people keep stopping by at work to comment on how I'm "sick."  One person even thought I had croup!

I threw up twice at work this week, but I think I'm able to handle it a little better now than last week.  This has been my happy food for the last week - apple slices, Combos and seltzer.  I have no idea where I got the Combo interest from since I've only had them once before in my life, but they're SO good!  I've gone through a few bags of apples and a bag of Combos and Bugles, so I need to stock up for next week.

The other huge thing going on right now is that I'm thinking about making a job change.  I have the opportunity to take a new job in product development, but it has to be RIGHT NOW.  I'm so, so scared.  I'm scared about making this move because it's so easy to just do what I have to do and get through the day.  I'm scared because I can hardly get through the day and I would have to impress and work extra hard at a new job when I feel the worst.  I'm scared because I don't know if this is right move for me!  If I decide to go forward with this, I also need to tell them about being pregnant in the next few weeks before everything is final.  I don't think they'll mind, but I do want to be honest and not surprise them in a few weeks with this news.

I feel like this decision is huge and I'm psycho for trying to do this right now!  But in the long run, maybe this is the right thing for me.  This is way too much thinking for someone who just wants to sleep all day...

Coming up: VERY excited for my first appointment on Tuesday! 

Halloween Festivities

I took the day off of work so Connor and I could have a special day together and he could experience all the fun of Halloween.  Daddy turned his carseat around that morning, so he was very excited to be sitting like a big boy in the car!  It's so funny to hear how he points things out now and he feels more grown up facing front.  It's also helps me a lot now that I don't have the energy to fight with him about getting in his seat anymore.

Our first stop was at Daddy's office where he ran right in and made himself at home with some of Daddy's coworkers.  He grabbed this woman's hand right away and she took him to her desk for some candy.

I had no idea he was going to get SO much candy, but the rain kept a lot of the other kids home.  His coworkers were so sweet and gave Connor lots of candy for his bag.  Connor was wonderful with his manners and said, "Thank you" to everyone who gave him candy.  He quickly learned how the process worked and walked up to every person holding out his bag for candy.

We hung out for a few minutes in Daddy's office where we shared Connor's first taste of KitKat and Mommy got to rest for a few minutes.

The next stop was Mommy's office where Connor ran right into the garden to look at all the plants and waterfalls.

A coworker came by and offered to take a photo of us and this turned out to be my favorite from the day.

We made a quick stop at the cafeteria so they could meet Connor.  The woman who works there has a grandson who is the same age so she always asks about him and I promised I'd bring him by.

We took a walk through the building to look around and meet some of my coworkers.  At one point, Connor fell into the garden and got all dirty, but I was able to clean him off and he didn't even notice!

We went up to my second home at work (the checks department) where Connor found some fun toys to play with.

After that, we took a ride on the elevator and headed back to the front for the costume contest.  I'll have pics of the contest later, but it was a blast and Connor won honorable mention!

After the contest, we went over to the photo stupid for pictures and Connor found a new friend.  The dog was so sweet with him and even gave him kisses!

It was a very eventful morning because the little guy passed out on the way home!

Black.

I just realized I wore black to work for 3 days in a row. 

A coincidence? 

Or maybe a symbol of how I feel inside this week?

:::sigh:::

Take Your Child to Work Day

I can't wait until Connor is old enough to come to work with me!  He's nowhere near ready to be able to spend even a few hours hanging out in my cube, but maybe in a few years.  For right now, we'll have to settle for just a few minutes when we popped in to visit Daddy on Thursday before his work dinner.  He loved drawing on the white board, but I had to keep a close eye on him as I was worried those markers might not wash out of clothes very easily!

He sat on Daddy's ugly yellow chair.

He played with Daddy's big "book" of store plans.

After he got a little more comfortable, he wandered around the halls and surprised people at their desks when they turned their heads and noticed him walking by.  We definitely don't visit often enough and we used to do it more when he was a baby.  I promised we'd stop by again soon!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I can't help but wonder what Connor will be when he grows up.  I like to think about what he enjoys now and then brainstorm what he might want to be.  Most people do change their minds a bunch of times as they grow up, but I am happy to say that I've always said I wanted to be an artist and I guess I am today.  Obviously, the whole starving artist thing is not even an option, nor would I want to be one, but I think being a graphic designer qualifies.

So in honor of Connor's interests at the age of 15 months, here are my ideas of what he might want to be...

1. Veterinarian
Our weekly trips to Petsmart are like heaven for him.  He squeals with delight and runs down the aisles after the kitties and big kitties (doggies).  He follows our own kitty around like it's his job and is so interested in what he's doing at all times.

2. Engineer
I've never seen him concentrate on anything as much as his stacking cups.  He gets this intense look on his face and his mouth opens into a little O as he decided what to stack where and how to make it stay standing up.  It's the cutest thing!

3. Shoe salesman or designer
My child is a shoe whore.  Really.  He won't listen when we ask him to come change his diaper or stop pulling Kitty's tail, but he will light up if we say it's time for shoes.  He hurries over to the little drawer where we keep his shoes and points at it until we pull out a pair.  Then he sits down right on the floor and lifts one foot in preparation.  He usually tries to leave after he has one shoe on, but that's the patience of a 15 month old boy.  Also, his morning routine while we get dressed is to go in the closet, take out random pairs of my shoes, and carry them around the room.  He loves to just wander around with shoes in his hands so I've been trying to show him what matches my outfit each day.  I'm still looking for a missing black sandal that he stole a few weeks ago.

So we'll see how my predictions evolve as he grows up...

A year ago today

A year ago today was my first day at work after maternity leave.  

I spent those last few days an emotional mess and treasured every little second with my guy.  I took a zillion pictures of him sleeping because he looked so peaceful.

On our last day together, I dressed him up in his "I <3 and="and" br="br" hanging="hanging" mom="mom" of="of" onesie="onesie" out="out" photos.="photos." tons="tons" took="took" with="with">

On my first morning back, I turned on my computer to find this...

And one year later, that's still my desktop.  (I love my coworkers for doing this for me and putting a smile on my face during that really hard first day back!)

So much has changed in such a short time...

It's hard to believe that a year ago he was a tiny little baby just entering the world and now he's a little person with a wonderful personality!  He was the tiniest and youngest baby at daycare when he started and we laughed at how he couldn't participate in the fun activities because he was so small and still in his newborn clothes & diapers.  Now he's the oldest in his infant class and ready to move up with the toddlers.  He's walking like a pro, eating like someone twice his size, and learning to talk so quickly!  And as his shirt says, he's awesome.  :)