The first breakdown

Not good. I'm having a hard time sleeping with Hubby sleeping in the family room with Kitty. I kept having dreams that I was going to sleep through my alarm so I was waking up all night. In the morning, I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. But as soon as it came time to get dressed, my emotions went crazy. After my 4 outfit ideas looked horrible, I started stressing and getting upset. Everything either makes me look ridiculous or is so tight that I can't breath. The more I tried on, the more frustrated I got. The pile in the closet kept getting bigger and bigger as I threw more clothes onto it. Holding back the tears, I finally gave in and wore my first maternity sweater. I can breathe now.

Note to self: find old bras from college in pile of boxes. I need those back now.

10 Week Update

Baby's now the size of a prune!

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)

I can't even believe I'm in double-digits now. Sometimes I have to re-count and make sure it's really 10! Not as much going on this week because it's the first one without any appointments, but there's always a few things to update.

The first belly picture! (Can I look a little more pale?) My belly is smaller in the morning and much bigger at night. I figured I'd take the picture in the afternoon so it's average size. It's a little beer belly-looking, but it's there!
On the clothes topic, I was very excited to get my Old Navy & Target orders shipped to me this week. I was picturing finally being able to breathe in my nice, new, cute jeans. FAIL. I ordered 6 pairs and none of them fit! They were either way too short or way too big. My trip to Gap was much better and I think they'll be a better fit for me. I bought one pair of cute gray skinny jeans that will be capris and I'll buy a few more when the jeans go on sale.

I hate complaining about clothes, but it's important to me. If I feel good with what I'm wearing I'm in a better mood. I'm really trying to be more positive and keep myself from stressing, so anything I can do to make myself happy is great. And if women have to live with crappy clothes for 7 or so months, why not just make them a little happier by producing clothes that actually fit?

Morning sickness is still a huge part of my life. I'm dealing with it and working through it. I really need to try to start eating better rather than snacking on random food that looks good. This weekend I went to buy some high protein snacks so I can at least get some nutritional value out of them. Who knew they sold protein muffins? And chocolate banana? I like this kind of protein!

On a good note, everything else is pretty perfect! I'm not having any weird side effects or problems. I feel like we're getting SO close to feeling confident and believing that this is really happening.

Reminding myself...

Note to self:

Every day that you feel like total crap is one day closer to a miracle.

9 Week Update

Baby's now the size of an olive!
Baby is starting to look more and more human. The essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. The eyes are fully formed, but the eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. Baby has tiny earlobes, and the mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, baby is poised for rapid weight gain.

Another exciting week for us! We had our first appointment with our new OBGYN and that started to make this whole thing feel like it's really happening. I had my first "real" ultrasound like in the movies (ya know, gel on the stomach) which was exciting. I've only had internal ones done at the fertility clinic, so this was new to me and I got to keep my clothes on and stay warm! We heard the heartbeat for the first time. Amazing!


We met with the doctor and went over the packet of information they gave me and questions I had. It was really great to sit down with someone and have them explain things more clearly than just Googling all my burning questions. She said I'm welcome to come back as often (!!) as I want for ultrasounds to make sure everything looks good since we've been spoiled by weekly (or even more often) exams in the past. She also gave me some meds to help with my nausea which were welcomed with a big smile from me. Give me the drugs!

On another note, FOOD. I actually didn't think I would ever be into food cravings. I'm not sure why...I guess I thought it was kinda like PMS and I never got that. Well, the food cravings have been on my mind for a few weeks now and I don't see them going away any time soon. I try to have a variety of snacks and food at all times so I can find something that sounds good. This week's big snack is Club crackers. Why haven't I indulged on these in the past? Light, buttery, and yummy! I'm hoping for deep dish pizza and a Walker Bros apple pancake this weekend!

Sick as a dog

and I don't know why people say that because dogs never feel like this...do they? And that makes me wonder if animals get morning sickness...hmmm...

From about 8 am to 1 pm every day, I feel like total crap. This morning, it started even earlier than normal and I was not prepared! I'm going to have to keep adding to my food stash at work because my snacks don't always look good and I need alternatives. If I keep food in my stomach, the nausea isn't too bad. I have to bring little baggies of crackers to meetings and hide them in my lap!

The ginger remedy that I was so excited about now grosses me out. I spent so much time making ginger ale and ginger bread and then was so grossed out by it that I had to throw it away! The thought of the 12 pack of ginger ale under my desk makes me want to vomit.

And now my new problem that I thought would stay away - the migraine. I went for about 7 weeks with nothing and I thought I was going to be one of the lucky ones that didn't get any! I was wrong. It's popping back up every day or two and getting really hard for me. Because I can't take my normal meds, I'm stuck taking Tylenol which is like candy. It doesn't do a thing! And since it's only Tylenol, it doesn't help with any of the migraine side effects like nausea, bright lights, loud sounds, etc. Torture! What am I supposed to do at work? This is not an easy thing to deal with.

Please, please go away as I get farther along. I'm SO blessed to get this far and I really want to enjoy every second of it that I'm not in pain! I know it will be worth it in the end.

8 Week Update

Baby's now the size of a raspberry!
Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

This is a big week for our little raspberry. We made it over the big 8 week hurdle! Last time, it was the 8 week ultrasound that ended it all, so I'm overjoyed that we got past that point!


Our meeting with the doctor went great and he assured us that it's very rare that anything would happen now. At the ultrasound, the tech spent extra time showing us close-ups of the raspberry. We got to see the blood flowing in the umbilical cord which was really amazing! She tried to get baby to wiggle, but she must have been sleeping like her mommy enjoys. (I say "she" because that's our prediction and I don't know what else to call it.) I teared up a little as we said our goodbyes to the fertility clinic staff on our momentous "graduation day." The staff gave me hugs and made me promise to come back when I have a big bump and then again with the baby to see another success story.

I feel like I can breathe a sigh or relief as we passed this big step. Things are looking great and I'm feeling positive!

I never thought it would be like this

Seriously, how do people do this?

I always heard about being tired, but I never, ever though it would be this bad. I promised myself that after all I went through I wouldn't complain, but this is REALLY hard! I have so much more respect for anyone who has been through this (and multiple times is crazy!) Every day is a struggle when I feel like total crap and I'm so tired. I can't get anything accomplished because I don't have the energy to do it. At first, I let myself enjoy it and just relaxed, but now I feel kind of like a failure that I can't get things done. Maybe I'm worse than most people or maybe I'm just a wimp, but this is really crappy! Does someone wanna do my work for me?

7 Week Update

Baby's now the size of a blueberry!
Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about one hundred new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

I'm starting to get super excited now that the first hurdle is over. Of course, I'm going to get worried all the time, but at least I know there's a little Baby T in there growing : )
Overall, things have been a lot better than last week. I'm learning how to fall back asleep when I wake up in the middle of the night, but I still need to figure out how to go pee and then go back to sleep without tossing and turning for awhile.

My food aversions are still here, but much less than last week. I'm more open to eating normally, although I'm still eating some strange things. I bought a bag of Ruffles chips and ate those for dessert for a few nights. I don't even like chips! I'm also really into mac & cheese so we made a pan of it over the weekend and I bought some frozen ones for lunch. I gotta start trying to eat healthy now that I'm starting to eat normally again.

Clothes? Yikes! I'm officially retiring my last pair of size 0 pants this week. Most of the 2's are too small as well. Every morning I have to try on at least 5 shirts before I find one that doesn't make me look like I have a huge belly or is so tight it suffocates me. I'm slowly emptying my closet as the days go by.

My family is getting super excited and that makes me so happy. I'm feeling great to be able to bring them happiness and excitement when there is sadness among us for other reasons. It's also amazing for ME to feel happy. I almost wonder if this is a dream! I can't remember being happy in a long, long time.

Bring on week 8!