Toilet Paper

Caylee discovered toilet paper.

My new normal

I'm having a hard time adjusting to my new normal.  My new normal consists of feeling like crap every minute of the day.  It's funny how you forget this part of pregnancy because I really don't remember feeling this shitty every single day.  Of course, now, I have a toddler to take care of and I can't go home and rest every night when I get home from work.  I also haven't told anyone at work or my family yet, so I can explain why I feel so horrible all the time.  

I think I'm about ready to tell people because I don't like to lie and I keep catching myself in awkward situations.  It would be a lot easier to understand why I look gross and eat tons of club crackers if they knew the truth.

I just spent 20 minutes laying down in the bathroom at work and it was amazing!  If only the wifi on my phone worked better in there...and if only I would stop thinking about all the stains on the cushion that I was laying on...EW.  I'd really like to go to the gym, but I don't think I can make myself do it.  It sounds like torture right now, but in the back of my mind, I keep telling myself how I need to go.  I'll feel better if I go and I can't get too lazy so quickly.  Does walking up the 2 flights of stairs to the 3rd floor at work count if it makes me out of breath?

I'm already down 2 pairs of pants from this morning's enjoyable experience in the mirror.  I feel like it's way to early to do the rubber band trick or use a band b/c I haven't even gone to the doctor yet.  It's like I would be jinxing it or something.  2 weeks from today I get to finally go to the doctor!  

And we try again...

So we had a little shocked over the weekend...

It's been almost two months since my miscarriage, so I really didn't expect this so soon.  It was in the back of my mind for the last week or so when I would get a few minutes of nausea and then it would go away.  On Sunday, I felt sick and ran upstairs.  By the time I got to the bathroom, it was too late, but I had to sit down for a few minutes to feel better.  After that, I knew it was time to take the test.

I took it during chaos in the bathroom as Connor ran around asking me to put cds in his Elmo cd player and Daddy was running around the house.  Connor was super crabby, so Daddy tried to calm him down by sitting him on the floor and asking him if he had fun with cousin Grady.  I said I needed to ask him a question next, so I said, "Connor, do you want a baby brother or sister?"

This is was his face as he turned around...and then he burst into tears!

I know he didn't understand and he was still feeling very sad about watching cousin Grady leave that morning.  So anyway, here we go again...

I'm very nervous about this and I'm constantly worrying if this will end sadly again.  I'm trying not to let it mess with me too much, but it's hard to get those thoughts out of your mind when you've already lost 2.  I also have those worries like,  "WTF are we getting in to!?!" Connor has been a little extra crabby recently with his teething, so it hasn't been the best timing to think about taking care of another kid.  I know we'll make it work and I really hope this is finally it.

Lil' Tooth Brusher

He loves copying Mommy and Daddy by brushing his teeth when we do.  As soon as he sees us brush, he motions for us to get his on the bathroom counter.  He'll walk around for a few minutes while "brushing" and then hand it back and say, "All done!"

Glad he's getting started with this early!  Maybe he'll follow in Mommy's footsteps of no cavities!