Mommy is exhausted, but she's doing pretty well. The first week I was really scared. I was worried I was quickly falling into post-partum depression. I was crying ALL the time, I was frustrated with having to care for the baby, and I was still in so much pain. The last 2 weeks have been much better and I feel more like myself. Though "myself" is not the same as it used to be, at least I'm not crying all the time and I'm handling the situation a lot better.
I love spending time with Connor, but it's also strange to be at home. I sometimes struggle when he's hard to calm down. I really see how being a mom is such hard work. It's not a job that you leave after 8 hours and then get to forget about until the next day. It's a 24/7 job that you never get a break from. It's fulfulling, but gosh, it's tiring too!
To keep myself from going crazy, I've been trying to take him on more walks outside. The exercise is great and it's nice to be outside and enjoy the weather. I'm hoping the walks are helping me get rid of the belly a little too. It's only been 3 weeks, but I do want my stomach back. I gained 25 pounds during the pregnancy and I'm down to about 7 pounds above my weight at BFP. But anyone who knows me knows that I don't care about the number on the scale. I go by how I look and how my clothes fit. And my clothes do not fit. I'm perfectly happy with every other part of my body except my hips/stomach. My hips widened a lot and now things don't fit how they used to. Although I'm happy not to have stretch marks or that saggy extra belly skin, I'd like my stomach to get a little flatter. Maybe it's selfish to want this so quickly, but I think I would feel better about myself.
I have to admit how much fun it is to take him out with me. He attracts so much attention at the store and on walks because he's so tiny! People are constantly stopping me to see him and gush over how cute he is. I'm such a proud mommy! But people also comment on my body all the time too. It's nice to hear from total strangers that I look good and some of them are even shocked that he came from my body. Maybe I just need to be more proud of my mommy body. I don't know, I guess time will tell on this one...
My other struggle is about going back to work. Obviously, I don't have a choice with that one. I WISH I could work part-time 3 or 4 days a week so I could have a little extra time with Connor. I know I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom, but I'd love an extra day or two to spend with him each week. I'm also worried about having to work full time, take care of time, and take care of myself at the same time. Our families have offered to help, but obviously, most of that will still be our responsibility to figure out. I really don't know how working parents do it. I guess I will soon find out...
And now back to some smiles!
People keep saying how much he looks like me (and my dad). So weird to carry around a little mini me!
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