The more I talk to people, the more I get nervous. They're being so cautious and hardly getting excited and it's becoming contagious. I was overjoyed for the last week, but when people are nervous for me, it gets me worried. I woke up at 3:45 am and started worrying that my symptoms weren't bad enough. I still have to wait another week for my next appointment and maybe something bad happened. All I could think about it how horrible it would be if we had another disappointment.
Maybe watching the season finale of Giuliana & Bill wasn't a good idea either. I absolutely love that show and it's almost like watching my own life on tv. We talk about them constantly at our support group as we watch their journey of infertility while we deal with our own. To see them get a negative test after their second IVF was devastating and I can't help but cry with them. I was in that situation a week ago and I could be back there at any time. To see other people having to endure what I've gone through is so painful. No one deserves to want something this much and not be able to have it or to have it taken away from them suddenly.
It's on my mind all day and all night how quickly this miracle can get taken away from me.
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