6 week Update

Baby's now the size of a sweet pea!
Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks, and chin. Those little hands and feet -- still webbed like paddles -- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Today was a big day for us. The worry bombarded me for the last 2 weeks as I waited for the first appointment. Last night, I knew I would have a hard time sleeping because I was so worried. As this morning progressed, I got more and more scared and the scenarios ran through my head. By the time I got in the ultrasound room, I was crying because I was so nervous and scared.

Right away, my favorite ultrasound tech told us there was one fetus there and I instantly felt better. The baby measures at about 6 weeks which is right on schedule. We also saw the little flicker of the heartbeat! Our little sweet pea beats at 103 beats per minute! I got a hug from the nurse after she took my blood to test my HCG and she said she knew this was it.

Wow, we're over the first hump and I can't me more excited and happy. The year will end on a fabulous note as we look forward to 2011 and a new addition to our family!

Freaking out

The more I talk to people, the more I get nervous. They're being so cautious and hardly getting excited and it's becoming contagious. I was overjoyed for the last week, but when people are nervous for me, it gets me worried. I woke up at 3:45 am and started worrying that my symptoms weren't bad enough. I still have to wait another week for my next appointment and maybe something bad happened. All I could think about it how horrible it would be if we had another disappointment.

Maybe watching the season finale of Giuliana & Bill wasn't a good idea either. I absolutely love that show and it's almost like watching my own life on tv. We talk about them constantly at our support group as we watch their journey of infertility while we deal with our own. To see them get a negative test after their second IVF was devastating and I can't help but cry with them. I was in that situation a week ago and I could be back there at any time. To see other people having to endure what I've gone through is so painful. No one deserves to want something this much and not be able to have it or to have it taken away from them suddenly.

It's on my mind all day and all night how quickly this miracle can get taken away from me.

All I want for Chrismukkah is you

Yep, you, little apple seed. I got the one thing I wanted more than anything else. It's hard not to be nervous and scared about every little thing, but I have to try to enjoy this miracle. It's been a very hard 2010 and it's difficult not to focus on all the negatives, but this is the best outcome I could ever ask for.