I can't help but have a little baby fever lately. My "baby" is a toddler now and a small part of me misses that little newborn snuggly stage.
It's on my mind a LOT lately. Do we? Do we not? What's the best choice for us? I go back and forth all the time, but lately, I lean towards wanting one more. I feel like I'm not ready to be done. I need to know in my mind that I'm done and be okay with that decision and I'm not there right now.
The other reason this has been on my mind a lot lately is because I've been nauseous every morning for the past few weeks. I actually avoided taking the test because I knew it would be a little upsetting if it was negative. Those feeling never, ever go away. No matter how old Connor is and even when I was pregnant, that announcement about someone else being pregnant gives me that little twinge of jealousy and pain. How come it was so easy for them? Why can't that be me?
And then there's all the other things I need to consider too. Can I even get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs? And if I decide I want another one and then I have the same issues, do we really want to go through that again?
I finally gave in and took the test. NEGATIVE. And as I suspected, the result is a little disappointing. I don't know how we would even manage with two, but I was so excited for the idea that it might really be that easy. Maybe I'm finally "fixed" or something. But no.
:::sigh:::
How is the weaning process going? I hear that everyone gets baby fever when they are weaning off breast feeding or finished weaning! I am the same as you, everytime I hear someone is pregnant I am happy for them but very (not a little but very) jealous too! I think it is worse now that we honestly can not afford to have any more - although I would LOVE another baby! I know I will want another one more as Benjamin gets older. Don't worry though - you have time to decide. I always thought I wanted my babies close in age (like me and my siblings all 1 1/2 years apart). But having them a few years apart works too - or in my case 7 years apart, they both still adore each other so much and I wouldnt have it any other way! Isn't it funny how peeing on a stick is life changing (whether negative or positive). I was sick all last weekend and also took a test. Same results as you!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. No matter what your situation, if you think you might want a child, that negative message is a bit sad. I think that it is as if we are imagining our little ones and then the reality of not yet hits home. I will pray that you are lead to the outcome that is best for your family!
ReplyDelete::hugs::
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