I thought I was doing good...I was pretty cheery the last couple of week and just looking forward to starting up again soon.
But this week keeps getting worse and I'm spiraling downward. The thought of babies and pregnancy are getting to me more than ever. It's hard to have a normal life when I get sad everytime I have to hear it or see it.
Every week when I go for my blood test, my HCG still isn't at zero and I get disappointed. I really don't think 5 weeks is normal and that gets me really worried. I haven't been feeling good lately and it's almost like I have pregnancy symptoms. I also realized that I gained some weight and it makes me tear up to even think about it. Why? Because I worked SO hard to get to a place where I was comfortable with my own body. I was willing to give it up to have a baby. Now I'm gaining weight AND I don't have a baby. So all these worries added together makes me wonder if something is wrong with me. Maybe they didn't get everything out in the D&C and I have to go back. That would be absolutely HORRIBLE. The nurse assured me that I was fine, but I can't help but have those thoughts.
I have to go back next week again to test my HCG. I guess at this point I'm done getting excited because it's taking way longer than I ever thought.
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